


Friends With (Tax) Benefits

by counting2fifteen



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, bed sharing, unhealthy alcohol usage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25529932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/counting2fifteen/pseuds/counting2fifteen
Summary: After same-sex marriage is legalized in the UK, Phil suggests he and Dan get married to save money on their taxes. Dan initially rejects his proposal, but after some thought, he changes his mind. Except then he starts to… feel things. Things he really shouldn’t be feeling about his best friend and platonic husband. And all of the sudden, what was supposed to be a simple arrangement between friends has the potential to get much, much more complicated.Surely Dan can keep his feelings repressed for a little bit longer.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 61
Collections: Phandom Reverse Bang 2020





	Friends With (Tax) Benefits

**Author's Note:**

> for the [@phandomreversebang](https://phandomreversebang.tumblr.com)! [art](https://artlessdynamite.tumblr.com/post/622131215913320448/this-is-the-art-that-i-made-for) provided by [@artlessdynamite](https://artlessdynamite.tumblr.com) and betaing provided by [@dansstripedsweater](https://dansstripedsweater.tumblr.com). they were both super helpful and great to work with!

“Let’s get married,” Phil said.

Dan snorted. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“Yeah, I heard you,” Dan said. “I just have a few questions first. Like, what the actual fuck.”

Phil shrugged. “I just mean, it makes sense. It’s legal now. We live together and will for the foreseeable future. We have a lot of joint assets. We’d save a lot on taxes.”

Dan stared. “You want to get married. For tax purposes.”

Phil shrugged, cheeks pinkening.

Dan shook his head in disbelief.

“No pressure,” Phil said. “It was just an idea.”

“It was a dumb idea,” Dan snorted.

It _was_ a dumb idea. It was a really, really dumb idea. Dan couldn’t believe he was thinking about it for longer than three seconds. Dan definitely couldn’t believe he was still thinking about it that night while lying in bed.

It was such a dumb idea. Why would Phil even suggest it? Especially considering...

Dan closed his eyes. He hadn’t thought about it in years. He hadn’t had any reason to.

When Dan and Phil had first met, Dan had maybe liked Phil a little bit. And maybe he had mentioned something to Phil to that effect, and maybe Phil had gently shut him down, reminded him how much younger he was, how much less experience he had with relationships that were more than just awkward fumbling in dark rooms. 

But that was years ago, and Dan was over it. He had been over it for years. It was so long ago it shouldn’t even factor into this decision. Why was he still thinking about it?

His bed did feel empty. He wondered what it would be like to have someone lying next to him, close enough to touch.

Dan shook himself. Even if he and Phil did get married, it wouldn’t have to change anything about their relationship. They would still sleep in separate beds. They would still be friends. Nothing less, and nothing more.

That thought sent a slight twinge through Dan’s heart. He resolutely ignored it, turning over to his side. He was done thinking about this. It was a bad idea, and dwelling on it wouldn’t do him any good.

***

Dan slept badly. His dreams were fragmented; the kind that vanished when you woke up and left you with a weird sense of fatigue for the rest of the day, as if you hadn’t slept at all.

He made himself coffee with his breakfast that morning, and Phil noticed. Of course Phil noticed. Phil knew Dan better than anyone in the world, maybe better even than Dan himself. Was it even possible for anyone to ever _get_ to know Dan better than Phil already did?

“Coffee?” Phil asked, glancing at Dan’s mug. “Rough night?”

“You could say that,” Dan muttered.

Phil nodded, turning his head back to his phone, and a sudden need burned through Dan.

“Hey,” he said. “I was, um, thinking about what you said last night.”

“Oh,” Phil said, putting his phone down. He looked sheepish. “I’m sorry, you can just forget about that if-”

Dan interrupted. “What would we even tell our friends? Our families?”

Phil shrugged, carefully setting his cup of coffee down. “We could tell them the truth. If you think they could handle it.”

“What if they can’t?”

“Then we tell them something that isn’t the truth. We’ve been living together for four years, I’m sure some of them already think we’re dating.”

Dan’s face grew warm. He hesitated.

“Or we don’t have to tell them anything. It’s up to you. I don’t really care.”

Phil said it with such flippant ease that it felt like a stab to Dan’s gut. Of course he didn’t care. Why would he? It was just a business arrangement, really, just something to do for tax purposes.

“I’ll have to think about it,” Dan said.

Phil looked surprised. “Okay,” he said.

Dan thought about it again that night. He thought about how he always slept on one side of the bed, as if he was leaving the other half for another person he expected to come in in the middle of the night after a late shift at work. He thought about how the other half of his bed was going to be empty for the rest of the night.

He didn’t sleep well that night either.

***

Dan made a pro-con list the next morning. He didn’t label it at the top- that would have felt too real. He just divided it into two sides and wrote “Pro” on one side and “Con” on the other.

He tapped his pen against the paper. “Weird,” he scribbled on the Con side, quickly followed by “Can’t get real married later.”

As if that was looking likely. The last person Dan had dated was in high school, and it could not have been more of a disaster.

The Pro side was looking a bit lonely. “Taxes,” he scribbled, to humor Phil. He couldn’t help but smile a bit. Only Phil would say something like that.

Well, actually, there had to be more than that. There were all sorts of legal benefits to marriage, weren’t there? He crossed that out and added “legal benefits” instead.

The rest of the pros and cons came more quickly. In a lot of ways, they were basically married already. It would make it easier to come out in some ways. He could fend off unwanted suitors more easily. Because he got so many of those, he thought wryly.

Dan looked down at his paper. The pro side was almost full- mostly of small, stupid things, but Dan just kept thinking of small, stupid things to add.

Even if not all of the reasons for doing it were as good as the reasons for not doing it, just looking at the shape of his chart, it was clear what he wanted. He took a deep breath.

Maybe it was stupid, but it was what he wanted, for whatever godforsaken reason. What was the point in denying it? He had spent so long ignoring what he wanted. Didn’t he deserve something he wanted for once?

He crumpled the piece of paper to throw in the trash, but hesitated. He didn’t want Phil to find it. He smoothed it out, then put it at the very bottom of his dresser drawer.

There. Now it would never be seen again.

He left his room. He had to find Phil and tell him something.

Phil was in the living room this time, on his laptop, completely absorbed in a word document. Scripting, probably.

Dan hated to disturb Phil when he looked like this. He really was beautiful when he wasn’t paying attention to it- though Dan supposed it was the kind of beauty one learned to appreciate rather than the kind that was innate. The kind of beauty that only existed in people you loved.

“Hey Phil?” he asked, and Phil looked up, the illusion shattering. “I think I’m done thinking. About the thing.” He couldn’t bring himself to say it, but luckily, Phil seemed to know what he meant.

“And?”

“I want to do it.”

Phil raised his eyebrows. “Are you sure?”

Dan nodded. “I’m sure.”

“Okay then.” Phil smiled. “Have you decided what to tell people?”

***

Dan came out to his parents on Skype, and told them he and Phil were getting married in the same conversation. It was easier that way. He didn’t have to buy a ticket home, or awkwardly stick around after he made his big revelation, acting like everything was normal.

His mother said she was proud of him and she loved him no matter what, and couldn’t wait to meet Phil again as her son-in-law. His dad didn’t say anything.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Phil asked when it was over. He had been sitting on the couch in the other room while Dan talked to his parents. Dan wasn’t sure how much he had overheard.

Dan shrugged. “My mom was fine. My dad…”

Phil’s face crumpled. “I’m sorry.” He stood up, wrapping Dan in a hug.

“It’s okay,” Dan said, trying to force his tears back. His voice still came out tight and watery. He buried his head deeper in Phil’s neck, and Phil held him tighter.

His brother was about as accepting as he expected any sixteen-year-old boy to be. When Dan called him to explain, he just kind of grunted and said he didn’t care.

Phil’s parents already knew he was gay, so all that was left was to explain was his relationship with Dan. They had decided not to explain to anyone that their marriage wasn’t really real, but Dan wasn’t sure exactly what Phil had said to his parents. Phil had asked Dan to leave the flat while he talked to them, and Dan had done so. He had a rather nice day wandering around London, and when he returned to the flat, Phil was stiff and composed, and told Dan that it went fine when he asked. Dan wasn’t sure whether or not he believed him, but he didn’t question it.

Explaining to their friends was tricky. Most of them already knew Dan and Phil were gay, and were confused about why they would hide a relationship from them for so long. Dan awkwardly fumbled explanations about the subscribers, and privacy, and the media, while Phil nodded, playing an excellent version of someone who was saying things that made sense.

They didn’t come out to their fans. Marriage was a matter of public record in the UK; they were just going to have to hope that no one actually cared enough to look.

The marriage ceremony was short and simple, nothing more than going down to the courthouse to sign some paperwork. Dan’s mum tried to get them to do some kind of ceremony, but Dan refused. That would have felt too much like a lie.

He couldn’t stop her from insisting on a visit, though, to congratulate the newlyweds. 

Her train arrived on a cold, slightly rainy day- the usual in London. Still, Dan couldn’t help but take it as a sign justifying the dread growing in his stomach. 

Phil had offered to come with Dan to meet his mum, but Dan had refused. He didn’t want to deal with the weirdness of pretending to be a couple that was pretending to not be a couple in public in front of his mum. It was way too many layers of weirdness to deal with. Dan would rather stick with just one.

“Mum!” he said, sweeping her into a hug. His worries lessened a bit as she hugged him back.

“Dan!” she said. “It’s been too long.”

Dan didn’t visit his family a lot. It probably had been too long. “I missed you,” he said, and it was mostly true.

She smiled, pulling back. “I missed you too.”

Dan knew she was coming alone, but he felt the absence of the rest of his family as an acute pain in his side. “Why didn’t Dad want to come?” he asked.

His mum pressed her lips into a thin line, and for a moment, Dan thought she wasn’t going to answer. “Oh, you know how busy he is,” she said lightly.

Dan nodded. “I’ll have to visit sometime,” he said.

He wouldn’t. They both knew it.

“But look at you!” His mum beamed, saving the mood. “My Daniel, all grown up. You’re married! Let me see the- Oh,” she said, looking at his hand, sounding disappointed. “No ring?”

Shit. If they were trying to pass this off as real, they probably should have gotten rings. “It didn’t make sense,” Dan explained. “Since we couldn’t wear them out anyway, with the fans and all.”

She nodded, still looking sad. “It’d be nice for you two to have _something_ , though.”

“Maybe,” Dan said noncommittally, flagging down a taxi. He couldn’t help but think that it _would_ be nice, but he hoped her badgering would die down once they got in the cab, or once they got back to the flat and he could talk to Phil.

Phil was so much better at lying than Dan was. He’d be able to handle this.

***

“Karen!” Phil said, sweeping her into a hug. He towered over her. Why were the two of them so tall?

“How’s my favorite son-in-law?” She hugged him back just as tightly as she had hugged Dan at the train station.

“He’s your only son-in-law,” Dan interrupted, “Unless Adrian also has some news he’d like to share?”

“Even if I had a million son-in-laws, Phil would still be my favorite,” Dan’s mum smiled.

“Aww,” Phil said. 

Dan rolled his eyes. “Suck up,” he muttered.

“Where should I put my suitcase?” his mum asked.

“Oh,” Dan said. He hadn’t really thought about where she would sleep. “Um, there’s the gaming room? Or the sofa, but-”

“I thought I could just sleep in the guest room,” his mum interrupted.

Dan stared.

“Oh, come on, Dan,” his mum winked. “I know you two don’t really sleep in different rooms.”

Phil turned completely red. Dan suspected his face was a similar shade.

“Right,” Phil said, still blushing furiously. Hopefully, his mum would think it was because she had mentioned Dan and Phil’s supposed sex life and not because Phil was lying. “You can sleep in my room. Just give us a bit to set up, we completely forgot to.”

Dan wasn’t sure if it was possible to pass Phil’s incredibly messy room off as a guest room, but he supposed it’d be easier than handling the dirty laundry piled up in Dan’s closet.

Phil pulled Dan into his room after distracting Karen with the wall of pictures they had set up about six months ago, some time after her last visit.

“Change the sheets,” Phil said. “I’ll take care of-” he waved his hand at the mess. “All this.”

Dan couldn’t help but feel a bit sad as he stripped Phil’s sheets off his bed. They were so bright and colorful- Dan had always loved them. It felt wrong to put them away.

Phil managed to get most of his junk into boxes that he moved to Dan’s room while Dan’s mum was distracted. His room still looked a little bit lived in, but hopefully not excessively so.

“The room’s all ready, Mum!” Dan said.

“Finally,” she said. “You know, if _my_ parents were visiting me-”

“Yes, mum,” Dan cut in, rolling his eyes. “You would never treat them with such disrespect. I’m a shame on the family. I deserve to be-”

“Oh, shush, Dan, you know I was only teasing.” His mum swatted his shoulder with the back of her hand.

Dan ducked away, cheeks burning. It was hard sometimes to remember that his mum _was_ proud of him. “I know,” he said.

She hugged him. “Thank you for inviting me,” she said. “And I’m proud of you. I really am.”

“I know,” he said, and this time he even believed it a little bit.

***

“Are you ready for dinner?” Phil asked.

“I’m ready.” In an astonishing display of adulthood, Dan had called ahead to get a reservation. He had ironed a button-down shirt. He had found a suit jacket that sort of matched his pants. He had even scheduled a cab ahead of time so they wouldn’t be late.

It was exhausting. Dan didn’t know how other people did it. “You and Mum are already ready, I assume?”

“Yep,” Phil said. “The cab should be here in a few minutes.”

Dan was half expecting something to go terribly wrong, but to his surprise, they arrived at the restaurant a few minutes early, and when they entered the restaurant, a waitress ushered them straight to their table with no problems, handing them menus and setting down glasses of water and a basket of bread.

Dan turned immediately to the wine menu as Phil attacked the bread basket. He scanned the list- he didn’t really recognize anything, so he fixated in on the cheapest.

“Can we get a bottle of-” Dan started when the waitress finally came back.

Phil nudged Dan’s foot under the table. “I don’t think we need an entire bottle of wine.”

“I want an entire bottle of wine though,” Dan pouted.

His mum looked up, her brow wrinkling.

Dan bit the inside of his cheek. “I’ll just take a glass then.”

The waitress nodded, writing Dan’s order down. She took everyone else’s orders too- Dan was the only one who got any alcohol, which suddenly made him feel very self-conscious.

Luckily, it was nothing that a few refills of his wine glass couldn’t fix. Dan noticed Phil eyeing him after his second glass, but he ignored him. Dan was an adult, if he needed three glasses of wine to get through a dinner with his mum and his pretend husband, that was his business.

His mum had noticed too, Dan realized with a slight pang of guilt. He forced it down with another sip of wine.

“So,” Dan said, trying to distract her. “How’s Dad? And Adrian?”

She relaxed a bit. “Oh, they’re fine.” She filled him in on his dad’s work and Adrian’s school. Dan nodded along, doing his best to keep up. He noticed Phil doing the same out of the corner of his eye.

“But enough about me,” she said. “I feel like I’m behind on years of life updates. What have you two been up to?”

Dan looked at Phil, pleading wordlessly for him to take over.

Phil hesitated, his eyes falling on Dan’s fourth half drained glass of wine. “What do you want to know?” he finally asked, his eyes flicking back to Dan’s mum.

“Everything,” Dan’s mum said. “I don’t know anything about your relationship.”

A laugh spilled nervously from Phil’s mouth. “There’s a lot to tell.”

“Well then, not everything,” she said. “But- the basics. How you met. When you knew. How long.”

“We met the way Dan’s told you. Internet strangers, that whole thing.” Phil glanced at Dan, choosing his next words carefully. “And, well, we started out just friends.”

Dan nodded, and Phil seemed to take that as encouragement. “But, well, we started to get to know each other better, and we thought we’d be better in a relationship, so we decided to go for it. We were already living together, and that kind of intensified things, I think. We were pretty serious from the beginning, but of course, marriage wasn’t really a possibility until recently. And then all of the sudden it was, and, I mean, it just made sense. Why wouldn’t we, you know?”

Dan’s mum nodded.

“And, well, now we’re here.” Phil smiled at Dan. Dan returned the smile gratefully.

Dan’s mum looked like she was about to ask another question, but luckily, before she could, their food arrived. Dan took the opportunity to sink into his plate, grateful for an excuse not to talk. “This is delicious,” he said, changing the subject.

Phil relaxed. He squeezed Dan’s hand under the table in gratitude. “It’s so good,” he said.

“It really is,” Dan’s mum agreed. “You have excellent taste in restaurants, Dan.”

Dan inflated under the praise- he couldn’t help it.

Phil kicked him under the table. “Don’t get too full of yourself.”

Dan sat back in his chair, sulking, but he couldn’t for too long. His plate drew him back in- this food really was good.

Phil steered the conversation away from their personal life and towards a series of stories about his childhood, and Dan was able to breathe again.

Phil really was amazing. Dan was lucky to have him, whatever form having him might take.

***

Dan was definitely drunk when they got back. He wandered to the kitchen, downing a glass of water. He didn’t feel thirsty, but he forced himself to drink another. If he got hungover from drinking too much wine at a nice restaurant, he might never live it down.

He dragged himself through a nightly routine, getting into his pajamas, brushing his teeth, and returning to his room, where he froze.

Phil was there.

Of course Phil was there. Where else would he be? Dan’s mum was sleeping in his room. If Dan had spent more than thirty seconds thinking about it, he would have realized, but he hadn’t.

He wished Phil would say something, do something, acknowledge how fucking bizarre this situation was, but he didn’t. He looked so normal that Dan was almost convinced this _was_ normal.

“I’m going to bed,” Dan mumbled, and Phil nodded.

Dan climbed into his bed clumsily, rolling over on his side to stare at Phil.

Phil. He should do something about Phil, but he wasn’t sure what.

Dan swallowed. Should he ask Phil to sleep on the floor? No, that was incredibly rude, if anything, he should offer. But he was already in his bed, and Phil was climbing into it with him, and the bed dipped, and if Dan let his hand fall out, it would be brushing against Phil’s arm.

Dan let his hand fall. He held his breath. Phil’s skin was warm and soft and not moving away. Emboldened, he rolled himself a little bit closer.

He didn’t know why he was acting like this. Dan and Phil had shared beds before. It wasn’t that big of a deal. But lately, everything felt different.

Phil rolled himself closer too. “I get really cuddly when I sleep,” he whispered. “I hope that’s okay.”

Dan swallowed. His mouth was dry. Maybe he should go get more water. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Good,” Phil said, wrapping his arm around Dan and pulling him closer.

Dan stiffened slightly, surprised.

Phil frowned, lifting his head. “Are you okay?”

Dan forced himself to relax. “Yeah, sorry. You just startled me.”

Phil put his head down, snuggling closer. “Oh. Sorry.”

“You’re good,” Dan murmured. He closed his eyes, and let the weight of Phil’s warm body gently lull him to sleep.

***

Dan woke up to an empty bed the next morning, with no headache, thank god. He peeked at the clock, then immediately rolled over and tried to fall back asleep. He succeeded in working himself back into a light slumber, but just as he began to get comfortable, someone yanked his blanket off of him.

“Hey,” he mumbled, rolling over onto his back.

“Wake up,” Phil said, still holding Dan’s blanket in one hand. “You’ve been asleep for almost twelve hours.”

Dan rolled back onto his stomach and buried his face in his pillow. It smelled like Phil, and Dan realized with a start that this was not, in fact, his pillow. It was Phil’s. He stayed there anyway. “I’m tired.”

“Dan. Sleeping for twelve hours isn’t normal.”

“You should try it sometime,” Dan mumbled into the pillow. 

“No thanks,” Phil said. “Now get up. I’ve been entertaining _your_ mother for the past three hours and I’m going to go insane.”

Dan sighed, rolling and stumbling out of bed. “Oi. Watch what you say about my mum.”

“What’ll you do about it? Sleep more?”

“Maybe,” Dan grumbled, rifling through his dresser for clothes. He found a black T-shirt that seemed clean and tossed the shirt he had worn to bed to the side before putting it on.

He noticed Phil staring. “Whatcha looking at, mate?” he asked.

“Hurry up,” Phil said.

“I am hurrying,” Dan said, pulling a pair of jeans on.

“Hurry faster,” Phil said, closing the door behind him.

Dan would have liked some time to straighten his hair, but it didn’t look like that was happening today. He had straightened it yesterday; that would have to do. He stumbled out of his room and down the hall, squinting against the sudden light.

“Dan! You’re up!” His mum was way too cheery.

Dan managed a smile. “I’m up.”

“Took you long enough. How late were you up last night?”

Dan didn’t want to tell her that he had actually gone to bed early last night, he was just a mess. “I dunno,” he said instead. “Pretty late, probably.”

She rolled her eyes fondly. “When will you start sleeping at normal times, Dan?”

Dan shrugged, grabbing a box of cereal from the kitchen cabinets. It was still full- Dan supposed there were upsides to sharing a bed with Phil. He couldn’t sneak out at night to eat his cereal anymore. “I guess I’m still a teenager at heart.” 

***

When Dan’s mum left, Phil didn’t move back into his own room. They never really discussed it- the first night after, Phil just came into Dan’s room at the normal time, and they fell asleep comfortably tangled together, just like normal.

When did their current arrangement become anything remotely resembling normal?

You could adjust to pretty much anything, Dan figured. Besides, it wasn’t like it was… bad. It was actually kind of nice. Just weird.

It was almost like they _were_ a couple. It made sense, in a way. When people visited, it’d look suspicious if they slept in separate rooms, and if they were trying to pass off Phil’s room as a guest room, it’d be easier if Phil just didn’t sleep in it.

The easiest way to convince people of this lie was to live it, as much as possible.

Phil’s parents were the next to visit. Phil’s relationship with his parents had always been better than Dan’s, which made this trickier in some ways. Dan hated to admit it, but his mother barely knew him anymore. It made her easier to lie to.

Phil’s parents, though- they doted on him. They loved Phil with a ferocity that had always made Dan just a little bit jealous. And this meant they could see through him with a clarity that did _not_ make Dan jealous at all.

They had Phil’s room prepared as a guest room ahead of time this time, at least. That saved them some awkwardness at the beginning of the visit.

They got a few minutes alone together while Phil’s parents unpacked.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Dan asked.

“Yes,” Phil said. “Don’t worry, Dan, they love you. This’ll be fine.” He grabbed Dan’s hand, lacing their fingers together.

It didn’t make Dan feel any better.

After a dinner Kath insisted on cooking for them, they discussed what to do for the rest of the evening.

“Cards?” Nigel offered.

Phil snorted. “Dan doesn’t know any card games but go fish.”

“Hey!” Dan elbowed Phil. “I know lots of card games.”

“Like?” Phil asked.

“Um,” Dan said. Phil’s eyes were twinkling. It was distracting. “Go fish. War. Poker-”

“You don’t know how to play poker,” Phil said delightedly.

“Shut up!” Dan said. “You don’t know how to play poker either-”

“I never claimed to.”

“We can teach you!” Kath beamed excitedly.

“Mum, that’s not the point-” 

“It’ll be fun,” she insisted.

Phil gave in. “Okay, we can play poker.”

Poker wasn’t as hard as Dan had expected, though Kath was still easily winning almost every round. At least, it wasn’t hard until Phil’s parents started asking questions.

“Are you two going to Amanda’s wedding?” Nigel asked.

Phil’s eyes darted to Dan. “Maybe. I hadn’t decided yet.”

“You didn’t tell me Amanda was getting married,” Dan said, surprised. Amanda was Phil’s cousin- they had only met a few times, and briefly. Dan wouldn’t have expected to be invited to her wedding, though of course Phil probably would be, and since he and Phil were supposedly married now...

“She and her girlfriend have been engaged for a while,” Phil said. “As soon as it was legal, they started planning.”

Dan nodded.

“You should come, Phil. She’d like to see you,” Kath said, placing her cards down on the table.

“Gay solidarity,” Dan joked, bumping Phil’s shoulder.

He smiled stiffly, putting his own cards down. “We’ll see.”

“It would be so nice to be able to introduce Dan to the rest of the family,” Kath persisted.

“We’ll think about it,” Phil repeated.

Kath switched tactics. “Dan, won’t you two come? It’d be so nice to see you again, and it’s in London, you wouldn’t even have to-”

Phil interrupted. “I _said_ , we’ll think about it.”

Kath sounded disapproving now. “Phil-”

Phil interrupted. “Mum! For the last time, we’ll think about it!”

“All right!” Kath raised her hands in defense. “I’m just saying-”

Phil stood up. “I don’t want to talk about this.” 

“Phil-” Nigel said.

“I _said_ I don’t want to talk about this.” Phil pushed his chair in and walked out.

Nigel put his cards down, and Dan did too. “You should follow him,” Kath said quietly to Dan.

Dan shook his head. “I think he’d rather be alone.” Dan didn’t really want to get involved in whatever Phil’s issue was with Amanda and her wedding. He cleared his throat. “Shall we play another round?”

Kath and Nigel shared a glance. “Sure,” Kath said finally, collecting everyone’s cards so she could shuffle them back into the deck. Dan handed his to her gratefully, hoping Phil was alright. He idly wondered what exactly had made Phil so upset.

Phil would probably talk to him about it later if it was important, and later, he didn’t, so it must not be important.

The night after Phil’s parents left, Dan half expected Phil to return to his own room, but he didn’t. He kept coming back to Dan’s, and Dan was grateful. The only time he could sleep well was with Phil curled up beside him, solid and warm.

And he had been sleeping a lot. Despite Phil’s constant bickering about how eight hours should be enough for any healthy human, it was rare for Dan to sleep less than ten, and most days he slept for at least twelve. He had gotten used to crawling into an empty bed and waking up an hour or so later to Phil crawling in after him. Phil would lie next to him, they would cuddle, and Dan would wake up again in the morning (well, afternoon) to an empty bed. And then he would get up, and then he would find Phil, and they would talk about something completely unimportant, and Dan would pretend to do work until he could go back to bed, the cycle complete.

Some days they had important conversations, arguments, really. Dan hated those days, but he had to admit a break from the monotony was nice sometimes. Maybe that was why he brought up Amanda’s wedding again.

“We shouldn’t go,” Phil said, for the millionth time. “I don’t want to have to keep up this performance all night.”

Dan shrugged. “It’s not much of a performance. We just need to go together and-”

“And what?” Phil said. “And act like a couple?”

“I think you’re overestimating how bad it’ll be,” Dan said. “No one is _looking_ for reasons to not believe us.”

“Maybe not. But they’re looking.”

“Phil. You’re blowing this out of proportion. What do you think they’ll see?”

Phil shrugged. “Look, it’s just safer this way.”

“Are you planning to hide me from the rest of your family for the rest of our lives?”

Phil didn’t answer.

Dan didn’t know how it was possible to sleep as much as him and still be so unbelievably tired all the time. “If we’re always avoiding people, it’ll just cause even more questions. When does it end?”

“I don’t know,” Phil admitted. He looked so small in that moment; the one inch of height Dan had on him felt like a massive gulf.

Dan sighed. “Well, for what it’s worth, I’d like to go.”

Phil didn’t answer.

“Think about it?” Dan pleaded.

Phil nodded, short and stiff.

“Thank you,” Dan said.

***

Amanda and her wife were sickeningly sweet together. They couldn’t stop grinning at each other like lovesick fools, and all Dan wanted was to wipe that smile off their faces.

He couldn’t, so he just kept ordering more drinks from the open bar.

“Whoa, Dan. Slow it down.” Phil gently eased the glass of champagne out of Dan’s hand. “I think you’ve had enough already.”

Dan made a grab for it back. “No I haven’t.”

“Dan!” Phil held the glass back. It sloshed over the table. “You’re making a scene.”

“ _You’re_ making a scene,” Dan argued back.

“Dan, seriously.” Phil’s voice was a lot sharper than usual. If Dan had been sober, he probably would have backed down now, but he wasn’t.

“Give it.” Dan made another grab.

Phil set down the glass of champagne. “Dan.”

“What?” Dan whined.

“We need to go,” Phil said, standing up.

“But-” Dan protested.

“We’re leaving,” Phil said firmly. His hand on Dan’s wrist was even firmer as he pulled him up and towed him away.

Dan finally quieted down. He let Phil pull him away from the reception and towards the street.

“Aren’t we going to say bye to-”

“No,” Phil snapped.

“But- Isn’t it rude to-”

“Oh?” Phil turned to face him. “You want to talk about being rude?”

Dan stayed quiet until they climbed into their cab. “Phil-” he said.

“Not now, Dan,” Phil snapped.

Dan quieted down, spending the rest of the cab ride sulking and staring out the window. 

Phil remained in stony silence when their cab arrived at their flat, and as they climbed their stairs. It was only once they were in their room that he finally spoke.

“What the _fuck_ were you thinking tonight?” Phil shouted.

“I-” Dan interrupted.

“Be _quiet_ ,” Phil said. “For once in your life, be quiet for ten fucking minutes and let me talk.”

Dan rolled his eyes, but he shut up. Exactly how angry Phil was with him was finally starting to sink into his alcohol-sodden brain.

“We were at a _wedding_ , Dan. A wedding for _my cousin_. I know you have your issues, but for fuck’s sake, Dan, you can’t act like this.”

Dan pouted. “But-”

Phil wheeled around with startling ferocity. “ _No_. I don’t want to hear it.”

Dan cringed back.

“I’m not interested in your excuses right now. I’m sure you have a reason. I’m sure you have lots of reasons! Take care of them. You can’t act like this.”

Dan stared at the floor sullenly. “I just-” his voice broke.

Phil sat down on Dan’s bed. Their bed. When did it become their bed? “You just what?” he asked. He didn’t sound mad anymore. He just sounded tired.

How could Dan even explain it? What even _was_ “it”?

He was miserable. He could barely wake up in the mornings. Something was wrong. Something had been wrong ever since he had married Phil.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Dan said, swaying and flopping down next to Phil.

“Do… what?”

“Any of this.” Suddenly, through his drunken haze, he knew what he had to do. “Phil, I’m sorry, I know we didn’t even make it to April-”

“What’s in April?” Phil asked, confused.

Dan groaned. “Taxes, Phil.”

That didn’t seem to clear things up. “Dan, why are you talking about taxes?” Phil was smiling a bit, at least, even if it was a very confused smile.

“Because half the reason I even agreed to this was for the fucking taxes!” Dan shouted, but he dissolved into giggles by the end of his sentence. “It’s not funny,” he muttered, swiping at his eyes, still laughing.

“Agreed to what?” Phil asked, brow furrowed in confusion.

“This,” Dan exclaimed, throwing his arm wide.

Phil frowned, looking where Dan seemed to be pointing.

Dan shook his head. “No, Phil,” he said, clumsily grabbing onto Phil’s hand. “This.”

Phil’s hand fit in his so perfectly. Dan never wanted to let go.

What was left of Phil’s smile slipped away. “Oh,” he said. “Us.”

“Yes.” Dan seized Phil’s other hand. “Us.”

Phil pulled his hands away. “Dan, I don’t know if we should-”

Dan might regret these words in the morning, but if he didn’t say them now, he probably never would. “I love you, Phil,” Dan said, reaching for him desperately. “Phil, please don’t go-” He reached too far and fell over.

“I think you need to go to bed,” Phil said carefully, patting Dan’s shoulder.

“No I don’t,” Dan muttered into his pillow. “I’m not tired.”

“You’re always tired.” Phil’s voice was flat. He was the one who sounded tired, Dan thought irritably.

Still, Dan couldn’t argue with that. “I’m not _that_ tired.”

“You’re drunk. Go to sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning.” Phil’s face was stony and impassive, but that couldn’t stop the bloom of relief spreading through his body.

Dan sat up. “I already feel good, Phil. I don’t know why I didn’t say anything for so long-”

Phil winced. “We can talk in the morning.”

Dan’s heart deflated as Phil walked to the door.

“Come back,” Dan said sadly. “Wanna be with you.”

Phil turned around, hesitating in the doorway. “Dan, you’re drunk.”

“I’m not that drunk,” he said. “You’re drunk too,” he added as an afterthought, though he had no idea how much Phil had drunk at the wedding.

Phil shook his head. “Go to sleep, Dan.” 

“But I want-”

“We can talk tomorrow. Okay, Dan?” Phil closed the door before Dan could reply, leaving Dan alone in the dark.

***

Dan woke up with a killer headache. He cracked his eyes open to check the time.

How the fuck had he managed to wake up at seven in the morning? Especially after last night? He opened his eyes a little bit further, and the light stabbed through his corneas to the back of his brain.

That was probably how. Got to love waking up in pain.

Someone (probably Phil, Dan would have guessed if he was in any sort of state to be making guesses) had left a glass of water and a few aspirins on his bedside table. He swallowed them quickly, draining the glass of water before curling up on his bed and waiting for his headache to subside.

It did, a bit. He wasn’t completely pain-free, but eventually, he was pain-free enough that he could think again.

He tried to remember last night. Phil was mad at him, he was pretty sure- he had gotten way too drunk at the wedding. Phil had yelled at him, and then they had talked and then Dan had-

Oh god. What had he done?

Told Phil he loved him, apparently, if his memory served him correctly.

Oh god. Their friendship was probably over. Their marriage definitely was. Why did Dan have to tell him in the worst possible way? Curse his stupid brain and the fact that he couldn’t talk about his feelings without a blood alcohol concentration of at least 0.1%.

Dan pulled the sheets back over his head, hoping the darkness would make it possible to fall back asleep and forget his problems, but his headache wouldn’t let him.

Well, there was nothing left to do then but face his problems. Dan pulled the sheets off of his head and sat up.

He hadn’t noticed at first, too preoccupied with his headache, but next to the glass of water on his bedside table, there was a box, with a piece of paper next to it. He grabbed it.

“Love you, spork,” the note read, in Phil’s scribbled, messy handwriting. Confused, he grabbed for the box. It was a small black jewelry box, and Dan stared at it. Still confused, he opened it.

A thin metal circlet, with a black diamond in the center. A ring. Dan didn’t know why he was surprised. What else would fit in a jewelry box that size?

He slipped it onto his left ring finger. It fit perfectly.

There was a soft knock at his door. “Dan?” Phil asked. “Can I come in?”

There was no point putting this off, was there? “Yeah,” Dan said.

Phil cracked the door open, peeking in. “I thought I heard you up.” He took a step forward, closing the door behind him. “You saw the ring?”

Dan nodded, mute.

Phil blushed, looking away. “I guess you’ve figured out what that’s about. I, um. I know we’re already kind of married, but I thought it might be nice to do it again. The right way.” He walked over to Dan, sitting next to him on the bed. He carefully removed the ring from Dan’s finger, putting it back in the box.

Dan rolled his eyes. “Phil, I’ve already seen it. You don’t need to-”

“Shh,” Phil said. He opened the box again, tilting it so Dan could see in. “Daniel James Howell, will you marry me?”

“Phil, we’re already-”

“For real this time,” Phil said. “I wasn’t brave enough to ask you properly the last time, and I’m sorry.”

Dan looked at the ring, hesitating. “I don’t- I’m confused, Phil.”

Phil lowered the box, looking down. “That’s... understandable.”

“I have questions.”

“I can answer them,” Phil promised.

“Did you really want to get married for the taxes?” Dan’s voice sounded small.

“No,” Phil admitted. “I didn’t expect you to go along with it, honestly. I thought… I don’t know, I thought I could make this into a real relationship without having to talk about it.” He paused, looking up, meeting Dan’s gaze. “Why did you go along with it?”

“I don’t know,” Dan said slowly. “It just… felt right. I didn’t think too much about it.” He maybe should have thought a little more, but it was too late for that now. “When did you get the ring?”

“I’ve had it for a few weeks now.”

“Why?”

Phil looked back down. “I was going to tell you eventually. Really.” When Dan didn’t answer, he continued. “I’m not good at this. I’m sorry.”

Dan smiled weakly. “I’m not very good at this either.”

“My parents thought it was a bad idea.”

Dan was surprised. “Did they know?”

Phil cleared his throat, embarrassed. “I didn’t exactly tell them, but I think they might have suspected. I’ve… liked you for a while.”

Dan frowned. “But-”

“What?”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Dan said, brow still furrowed. He buried his head in his hands. “When we first met. I asked you out. You said you weren’t interested.” It felt weird to talk about now. Neither of them had mentioned it in almost five years.

“I thought- I don’t know.” Phil sighed. “I liked you, but I just couldn’t see a way it could work.”

“So you lied,” Dan said.

“I didn’t-” Phil started, but his protest died down under Dan’s cold stare. “I guess it could be seen that way,” he admitted, “But I don’t think I said anything that wasn’t technically true.”

Dan shrugged. “Still,” he muttered. A five-year-old rejection shouldn’t still sting, he knew, but it did.

“I’m sorry,” Phil said. “But- I think it could work now. If you’ll give me another chance.” Phil lifted the box back up. “Please?” he whispered.

Dan took the ring out of the box and slipped it on his ring finger.

Phil let the box drop to his side. “Dan, _I’m_ the one who’s supposed to-”

“Shut up,” Dan said. “Yes, Phillip Michael Lester. I will marry you.” He leaned across towards Phil, and kissed him.

***

“Are you nervous?” his mum asked.

“No,” he lied. “Why would I be nervous?”

“It’s a big day.” She smiled and straightened his black tie, but Dan could tell from the way her fingers were shaking that she was just as nervous as he was, if not more so.

“I’m not nervous,” he insisted.

“All right,” his mum said, still smiling. She hugged him. “Are you ready?”

Dan nodded, straightening up. “Yes.” He wasn’t lying this time. He was ready for this; he had been for years.

Music started playing. That was his cue to start walking down the aisle.

“Hurry up!” his mum said, pushing him forward.

“Mum!” Dan said. “Calm down.” He took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders before moving forward. He opened the doors, and saw Phil waiting at the other end of the aisle.

Phil looked amazing, as always, in a pure white suit and tie. His dark hair stood out against his pale skin and white suit, and Dan swore he could see the blue of his eyes from where he was standing.

Phil’s face lit up as he made eye contact with Dan. Dan started walking down the aisle towards his husband, every step bringing him closer to the man he loved and the future he dreamed of.

**Author's Note:**

> [like/reblog on tumblr](https://counting2fifteen.tumblr.com/post/624718922007101440/friends-with-tax-benefits) if you'd like


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